Do You Know How Much I Need You?
by Nutella Swirl
Summary: "You don't know what you have until you lose it." Sure, they're brothers. Always been. But they don't realize how much they need each other until one of them doesn't wake up... (2k12 verse)
1. Prologue

**A/N: Hi everyone! I came up with this story idea a little while ago, but didn't have the time to write it till now.**

 **Some things you should know:**

 **\- This is loosely based on the season 2 finale/some of season 3 (2k12 verse); however, there will be differences.**

 **\- This 1st chapter is the prologue, loosely based on "The Invasion." Like I said - there will be differences.**

 **\- This chapter may not be so sad... but I think the next ones will be. Just warning you.**

 **Alright, here we go!**

* * *

They had been preparing for the invasion for days, weeks, months, now.

It was going to start. Soon.

Leo had carefully organized a plan, which he went over "at least five bajillion times," according to Mikey.

But he had to. He had to make sure everyone knew what to do, when to do it, to prevent anything from going wrong.

He'd had this weird feeling ever since they found out about the Kraang's plan for an invasion. Like something bad was going to happen. So he had tried his best, planning carefully, to ensure that nothing went wrong.

He couldn't afford to lose anything.

Especially not his family.

So that's why he and his brothers and Sensei were gathered in the dojo as he narrated the plan another time.

Leo cleared his throat, facing his family. "As you all know, the invasion is going to start soon. _Really_ soon. In 5 hours."

"In 4 hours and 58 minutes and 23 seconds, to be exact," Donnie corrected.

Leo opened his mouth to say that the remark wasn't needed, but decided against it. It wasn't worth it, considering what was to come.

Instead he said, "Um, yeah. Like Donnie said. Anyway, we all have to stay together and be prepared for anything. We've planned enough, but anything could ruin it."

Leo realized he'd been pacing around the room - a bad habit he had, its cause being worry and anxiety - and stopped, turning to face his family again. To the red clad turtle, he said, "Raph - you and I will be in the front lines, fighting." The hothead nodded rapidly. He was quite excited to bash some Kraang drones.

Looking at the genius, Leo continued, "Donnie - you're our tech person. You'll fight with us, but if we need it, you'll prepare the weapons and missiles and all that good stuff to launch. And if something goes wrong, you'll bring the Shellraiser so we can escape." Donnie nodded. He was proud of himself for doing so many things in such a short amount of time - making missiles, making smoke bombs, adding cool upgrades to the turtles' weapons and T-Phones, and of course, adding cool features to the Shellraiser, like hidden cameras and bullet launchers and paint ball guns and -

"Mikey, you'll be fighting with us, but if Don's busy with his tech stuff, you'll be watching Donnie's back." The orange clad turtle bobbed his head up and down. He knew how important this mission was, because Leo was more serious than ever and because of how long they'd been preparing for it. He wasn't going to fail his brothers by falling for a stupid trap or something.

"Sensei will be watching the lair, and he'll come to us if the need arises. Right, Sensei?"

Master Splinter nodded. "Yes, my son. If you need me, I will be there as soon as possible."

Raph, Donnie, and Mikey waited to be dismissed. The plan usually ended sometime around this part.

They were surprised by some additions.

"And if one of us gets hurt, we escape. _Immediately_."

Donnie and Mikey nodded in understanding, but Raph frowned. He was going to object, but Master Splinter stood up.

"My sons, I have full faith in you that you will all come out of this mission successful. Remember to stay together at all times. If your leader changes the plan, you will abide to it."

The turtles nodded respectfully.

"Remember...I love you all," their master added softly, and enveloped them in a hug.

"We love you too," they said unanimously, hugging back.

After a few tender moments (...possibly _last_ moments...), they let go of each other.

"Leonardo, I would like to talk to you privately. The rest of you are dismissed."

The other turtles bowed to their sensei and walked out, leaving their father and eldest brother alone in the dojo.

"Leonardo, I trust you to watch over your brothers and protect them at all costs."

"Yes, Sensei."

"You realize that includes sacrifices..."

Leo kept quiet. He knew what his father was going to say.

"...such as the taking of your own life."

The blue clad turtle swallowed. "Y-yes, Sensei."

He didn't want to think about it, but it was inevitable. If he had to die for his brothers, then he'd do it without a second thought.

That was what an honorable leader did.

"I love you, Leonardo, and I have faith that you will make the right decisions."

"I-I love you too, Sensei," the eldest replied.

They embraced.

Master Splinter let go of his son for a few moments, then placed a comforting hand on the turtle's shoulder. He looked into Leonardo's dark blue eyes, eyes filled with fear and sadness, but there was also a bright spark of determination. "I believe you have some final preparations before you leave?"

Leo nodded. "Yes, Sensei."

"You are dismissed to do so."

Master Splinter took his hand off of his eldest son's shoulder.

Leo bowed respectfully before leaving the dojo.

* * *

As soon as he walked out, Leo was met with a pair of hands gripping his shoulders, forcing him to turn around and face his immediate younger brother.

"Excuse me, Leo? If someone gets hurt, we _escape_? Right away? Like a bunch of cowards?"

Leo nodded calmly. "It's the safest option, Raph. We can't afford to have more of us hurt or possibly killed."

"But if we let the enemy go, they could come after us and hurt us even more!"

"Raph... if they hurt us, that means that they're too strong for us. We wouldn't be able to take them down without getting hurt more. Running away sounds cowardly, but it's the safest option," Leo softly tried to explain to his brother.

"If we run away, they'll come after us and hurt us more! We have to try to knock 'em out, or at least, restrain them!"

"Raph-" Leo started.

"Don't 'Raph' me! You just make plans go _your_ way, without ever even listening to _my_ input!"

Leo tried to say something, but Raph wouldn't let him.

"'Cause ya think you're such a _great_ leader, huh? Such a _perfect_ , _fearless_ leader?"

Leo stood in shock, his mouth agape. "Raph, I-"

"Well, lemme tell ya something: you're _not_! You're a _terrible_ leader!"

"Raph..." Leo said, but the red clad turtle had already disappeared.

The leader stood in shock. Was it true? Was he a terrible leader? He thought his plans were flawless...

...but maybe they weren't.

Maybe Raph was right.

He was a failure. That's why none of their missions went right. That's why Kirby got mutated; that's why the Foot was still intact; that's why the Kraang were starting an invasion.

"I'm sorry," Leo whispered, but no one heard him.

No one saw his tears that threatened to fall, the tears he'd been holding back for long, and then they did fall, like a dam burst open.

No one saw him quietly slip out of the lair, unknowingly leaving his T-Phone and only way of communication behind, and make his way to the surface, where he thought he'd find some peace.

No one knew where he was when the 4 hours, 58 minutes, and 23 seconds turned to 0 hours, 0 minutes, and 0 seconds till the start of the invasion.

* * *

 _5 hours later..._

Raph, Donnie, and Mikey were at April's apartment, hoping for Leo to show up.

They had tried to fight as many Kraang droids as they could, when the Foot showed up out of nowhere. It turned out that the Kraang and the Foot were allies, had been for a good year or so.

Though the three turtles had put up a good fight, they couldn't fight as well without Leo, and sustained many injuries. Raph had a cut in his plastron; Donnie's foot was bleeding; Mikey's arm was aching and possibly broken.

And so they had to flee. The sewers had been destroyed, with no sign of Master Splinter, so they went to April's apartment.

Raph choked down a sob. It was all _his_ fault.

His brothers and Master Splinter wondered where Leo had gone, but Raph was too embarrassed and ashamed to say that he'd gotten into a stupid fight with Leo - _again_ \- which caused him to run off. And now no one knew where he was or if he was okay.

 _I'm sorry_ , he thought. But he knew it was too late.

He hadn't realized the pain he had inflicted onto his older brother till he realized that he was gone, his T-Phone lying on his bed.

Leo could be fighting and in need of help. He could be captured by the Foot or the Kraang. He could be injured or even _dead_ , for all they knew.

 _Oh, shell, what have I done?_

He felt a warm hand on his shoulder and tried to shake it off, but the hand stayed.

Raph turned around and saw Mikey.

The orange clad turtle said softly, "Bro, it's gonna be alrig-"

He was interrupted by the sounds of glass breaking and shattering. Both turtles looked up and saw that something had been thrown into the living room through the window, which was now broken.

Everyone rushed to the object that had been thrown inside.

It was an unconscious, blue banded turtle lying on his black, his face contorted into an expression of pain, his body covered with innumerable cuts and injuries.

"LEO!"

 _WHAT HAVE I DONE?_

* * *

 **A/N: Whew, that was INTENSE! Hope you liked it!**

 **The next chapter will flash forward to a little later. The turtles and their friends will be at April's farmhouse. That's all I'm going to say for now.**

 **Remember to review, follow, and favorite! :)**


	2. 1: Mikey

**A/N: Normally I don't update this quick, but I've had a long, hard day at school and need to unwind.**

 **Just a couple things: The chapters will be...**

 **\- shorter (If they seem too short to you, it's because of the theme of this story; otherwise, my chapters are longer.)**

 **\- in 1st person**

 **\- in present tense**

 **\- maybe not scientifically accurate (but oh well)**

 **Thanks for your reviews! They make my day! :)**

 **I don't own TMNT. (Forgot to mention that in the prologue, but I'm guessing you guys know that already...)**

* * *

Hey, bro.

Can you hear me?

I guess you can't talk back to me, even if you can hear me. But that's okay. I really need to talk to you.

We're at April's farmhouse now. We've been here for a day, in case you were wondering.

It was a long drive, like, really long. And quiet, like, _realllllllyyyyy_ quiet.

It was 'cause we were missing you, bro.

We still are.

Donnie's trying to find some way to make you wake up faster, 'cause you're in a coma. Raph is just sulking around. I think he's too guilty to even look at you.

I know you and Raph got into a fight, and then you ran away. I wasn't your fault, bro. I just wish Raph could hold his temper sometimes.

I wish you were awake, Leo.

I try to tell corny (but still funny) jokes to Donnie and Raph, but they don't laugh. They just sit there and blink. It's like they don't even hear me.

I try to help them. I did some research about comas to help D, but I don't understand all the words 'cause I'm not as smart as him. Sometimes I wish I was.

Like now.

'Cause then maybe I'd know how to make you wake up, so everything could be better.

Donnie's... hmm, what's the word... situation? is bad, but Raph's is worse. I try pranking him, or I call him nicknames he doesn't like, like Raphie-boy. But he doesn't yell at me or hit me.

He just... ignores me, almost like he's a robot or something.

He disappears in the day and comes back in the night, with dirt and bruises all over him. I have no idea what he does, fight, probably. But he doesn't talk at all. Not to me, Donnie, or April. Not even to _Casey_.

I miss the old Raph... and the old Donnie...

I'm try to stay happy for them, but it's so hard. It's only been a day, but I don't know if I can do this anymore.

I miss _you_ , Leo.

I really do.

I'm sorry for the times I didn't listen to you, or ganged up against you, or let you down. I'm really sorry, bro. _Realllyyyy_ sorry.

Wake up, please...

We need you, Leo.

 _I_ need you.

Do you know how much I need you?


	3. 2: Leo

**A/N: Surprise! A second chapter in the same day! :) It's because the last one was short and I have some (not much) free time.**

 **I don't own TMNT.**

* * *

I was in the dark for a while.

I still am, but it's not _as_ dark. I still can't open my eyes, and I still can't move around.

But there's a faint tip of light at the edges of this darkness. I wish the light would sweep the darkness away, but it won't.

I wonder where I am. I wonder what happened.

Then it all comes crashing back.

 _Oh, shell no._ Did I really run away from Raph...? And my bros...? And when they needed me, too, because the invasion was going to start?

What kind of brother am I?

 _A failure._

There's some pain in my body, my leg and throat especially.

I remember why, but I don't want to.

I block out those memories. I don't want to think about them. Not now.

I hear something - footsteps? - approach me. I want to open my eyes to see who it is, and see where I am, but I can't.

It's just me and the darkness.

 _Hey, bro._

Mikey...?

 _Can you hear me?_

Yes, I can! But I don't think you can hear me. I can't move, which means I can't open my mouth to talk.

 _I guess you can't talk back to me, even if you can hear me. But that's okay. I really need to talk to you._

You sounds so serious, Mikey. What happened?

 _We're at April's farmhouse now. We've been here for a day, in case you were wondering._

Thanks for telling me, Mikey. At least I know you guys are safe.

 _It was a long drive, like, really long. And quiet, like, realllllllyyyyy quiet._

Really? That's a first.

 _It was 'cause we were missing you, bro._

Oh, gosh...

 _We still are._

Oh, Mikey... you sounds so sad right now. This isn't like you.

I know there's more to this.

 _Donnie's trying to find some way to make you wake up faster, 'cause you're in a coma._

Poor Don! I hope he isn't on the computer 24/7, because that is _not_ good for him!

 _Raph is just sulking around. I think he's too guilty to even look at you._

Raph...? Oh no...

But it was my fault... why is _he_ guilty?

 _I know you and Raph got into a fight, and then you ran away. I wasn't your fault, bro. I just wish Raph could hold his temper sometimes._

Thanks, Mikey, but I know it _was_ my fault. At least partially.

I just wish I could be a better leader.

 _I wish you were awake, Leo._

I do, too.

 _I try to tell corny (but still funny) jokes to Donnie and Raph, but they don't laugh. They just sit there and blink. It's like they don't even hear me._

 _I try to help them. I did some research about comas to help D, but I don't understand all the words 'cause I'm not as smart as him. Sometimes I wish I was._

 _Like now._

 _'Cause then maybe I'd know how to make you wake up, so everything could be better._

Oh, Mikey... that's why you're so sad...

You're really smart, Mikey. Don't blame yourself for this.

 _Donnie's... hmm, what's the word... situation? is bad, but Raph's is worse. I try pranking him, or I call him nicknames he doesn't like, like Raphie-boy. But he doesn't yell at me or hit me._

 _He just... ignores me, almost like he's a robot or something._

 _He disappears in the day and comes back in the night, with dirt and bruises all over him. I have no idea what he does, fight, probably. But he doesn't talk at all. Not to me, Donnie, or April. Not even to Casey._

Raph won't yell at you, hit you, or even talk to Casey? Oh, gosh... I'm so sorry.

 _I miss the old Raph... and the old Donnie..._

Mikey... I can hear those sniffles, those sobs. I can't see you, but I can see your bright blue eyes brimming with tears.

 _I'm try to stay happy for them, but it's so hard. It's only been a day, but I don't know if I can do this anymore._

Oh, Mikey... please stay happy. I can't stand to see - well, hear - you like this...

 _I miss you, Leo._

 _I really do._

I miss you too... I can hear your tears. It breaks my heart to see - hear - you like this, so sad and broken...

 _I'm sorry for the times I didn't listen to you, or ganged up against you, or let you down. I'm really sorry, bro. Realllyyyy sorry._

Mikey, I forgave you long ago. Please don't blame yourself.

 _Wake up, please..._

I want to... but I can't...

 _We need you, Leo._

 _I need you._

 _Do you know how much I need you?_

I'm not awake, but I'm still crying on the inside.

I've never heard you so sad like this before...

I haven't even heard you cry in so long because you're always so happy...

I know you need me, Mikey. I know you do.

And believe me, if I could, I would wake up right now.

I would wrap my arms around you in a big, soft turtle hug. I would wipe your tears away, and I'd see your baby blue eyes shine with happiness. I can imagine your joyful expression as you say, "Leo! Bro! You're awake!"

I can imagine all of that.

But I can only imagine.

Please hang in there, Mikey. I'm coming as soon as I can.

* * *

 **A/N: That was longer (and sadder) than expected... made myself cry...**

 **How do you guys like this writing style? I've seen other authors do it (switching between 1st person POV's, as if the character is talking to another), but this is my first time doing it myself. Tell me what you think of it and what I can do to improve.**

 **Remember to review, follow, and favorite! :)**


	4. 3: Donnie

**A/N: Another chapter! Yay! This time, it's in Don's POV. (Saving Raph's for last just because...)**

 **Just so you know, the turtles are having constant conversations with Leo (except for Raph). I'm not writing all of them though. And sorry if some things in here aren't scientifically accurate. Donnie may be a genius, but I'm not!**

 **I just watched the series finale... omg it was SO GOOD. I know some people didn't like it too much, but I loved it! The ending especially... so sweet! I thought Mira kinda sounded like April... speaking of which, what happened to April and Casey?** **Guess I'll have to wonder about that later.**

 **I don't own TMNT.**

* * *

Hey, Leo.

It's been about a week since we came to April's farmhouse, and, well, things haven't been improving much.

About you... your vitals are okay. Your heart beat's regular, so's your blood pressure. You're missing some nutrients and you're a bit dehydrated, but that's because you're not eating or drinking. I've linked you to the IV, so that should help. It's just taking a while.

You got some bad cuts and injuries, Leo. I don't know where they're from, but from the looks of it, it seems like a blade - a sword, probably a katana, from the Foot - dug into your leg. You have bad scratches on your throat. Someone with sharp claws - Tiger Claw, probably - cut into your voice box. You might not sound the same when you wake up. As if that's not bad enough, you have other cuts and bruises that will take some time to heal, but at least they'll do so faster.

I did some research to see how to make someone wake up from a coma faster. It turns out I can only wait. Your body can only wake up when it's ready to, healed and better. I guess your body isn't healed enough yet. So I'm waiting.

I want to know how the Foot ambushed you... or even why you ran away... but I know you can't talk right now. I don't even know if you can hear me right now.

I know you and Raph got into a fight - even Mikey knows that - but why, I have no clue. I'm guessing that due to the stress of our mission, and maybe some anger you had bottled up in there, you couldn't hold it in any longer and just burst. But you don't burst the way Raph does, yelling and fighting, or the way I do, snapping and disappearing, or the way Mikey does, talking to Ice Cream Kitty or just crying.

You run away. I get why - to clear your head - but it doesn't make things any better.

I'm sorry, Leo, if it sounds like I hate you right now. Because I don't. In fact, I'm missing you so much...

Mikey talks a lot, jokes a lot. He tries to stay happy for us, Raph and I. I know Mikey tries so hard, but nothing like that can make you come back. So now he just talks to you or Ice Cream Kitty.

I wish he would smile a genuine smile again. But he can't. Not without you.

Raph runs off in the day. From sunrise to sunset he's out. He comes back in the middle of the night, bruised and covered in grime. I ask him where he's been, but he just shrugs the question off and disappears into his room, almost like he hasn't heard me. Almost like he's _ignoring_ me.

He won't talk to _anyone_. Not even Mikey, even though he pranks him and annoys him all the time. Not even Casey, his best friend who's trying so hard, too.

Not even you.

He's too guilty. It's clearly written on his face, in his eyes. He's sorry, but he thinks you hate him, so he won't even try anymore.

I wish he would try.

It's so sad to see our family broken like this. I _never_ anticipated this would happen! And I'm supposed to be _smart_!

Leo... I'm sorry for the times I didn't listen to you. For the times I put April before you and Mikey and Raph.

I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that brothers are more important than crushes. I wish I realized that before.

I'm sorry I couldn't make the right retromutagen for Karai. What happened to her, we don't know. I'm sorry I don't know. I know you love her the way I love April.

I'm sorry we couldn't save Master Splinter... I see him in my dreams at night. He knows what happened to you. What happened to _us_. He's really disappointed in us, Leo.

It was all our fault.

No... it was all _my_ fault. I wish I could have stopped you from running away that day. Then everything would be okay.

But it's too late now.

Please wake up, Leo. We need you so much. We need you to fix our broken family.

I need you, Leo.

Do you know how much I need you?


	5. 4: Leo

I don't know how long I've been out now. I know it's been at least a few days. Sometimes I "wake" up and hear someone talk to me (never Raph, though), but I'm not actually awake. I can hear, but I can't move or anything. It's kind of like I'm half asleep, but I'm not.

I don't know how long it's been since the last time I "woke" up. Maybe a few hours? I have no idea what time it is.

Whenever I "wake," I see this darkness. Well, I guess you can't _see_ darkness, but it's just dark. Sometimes I see these faint tips of light bordering the darkness. Sometimes it gets brighter and brighter. Other times, it slowly fades away back into nothingness. But other times, it jerks away.

I wonder if that happens if I don't breathe in the real world, so one of my brothers quickly makes me breathe again.

But of course, I don't really know what's going on in the real world. All because of this coma.

It's all my fault...

Why was I so impatient, so rash, so _stupid_ that day? Why couldn't I have just held back my anger and talked to Raph reasonably, like I usually do?

If I was awake right now, I'm sure I'd be crying out of guilt and remorse. Because I've never been like this before.

What happened to me...?

 _Hey, Leo._

Donnie? Guess I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't hear you come in.

 _It's been about a week since we came to April's farmhouse, and, well, things haven't been improving much._

Things haven't been improving much? Uh-oh...

 _About you... your vitals are okay. Your heart beat's regular, so's your blood pressure. You're missing some nutrients and you're a bit dehydrated, but that's because you're not eating or drinking. I've linked you to the IV, so that should help. It's just taking a while._

I guess it's good to hear that I'm doing okay.

 _You got some bad cuts and injuries, Leo. I don't know where they're from, but from the looks of it, it seems like a blade - a sword, probably a katana, from the Foot - dug into your leg. You have bad scratches on your throat. Someone with sharp claws - Tiger Claw, probably - cut into your voice box. You might not sound the same when you wake up. As if that's not bad enough, you have other cuts and bruises that will take some time to heal, but at least they'll do so faster._

...I was injured _that_ bad?! Oh wait, of course I was... because of _Tiger Claw._

But I deserved it. It was all my fault. For failing you guys.

...Of course you're smart enough to figure out who hurt me... but I don't want to think about that. It hurts too much, remembering what I did.

It hurts mentally, not physically. I don't feel any physical pain. Maybe because I'm in a coma...?

 _I did some research to see how to make someone wake up from a coma faster. It turns out I can only wait. Your body can only wake up when it's ready to, healed and better._

Aw, Donnie, I hope you haven't been on the computer, researching all of that just for me 24/7. I really don't deserve it.

 _I guess your body isn't healed enough yet. So I'm waiting._

Donnie... you sound so sad right now... I'm sorry I have to keep you waiting. If I could wake up right now, I would.

 _I want to know how the Foot ambushed you... or even why you ran away... but I know you can't talk right now. I don't even know if you can hear me right now._

Haha, yes, I can hear you. But I can't talk. Even if I could... I don't want to talk about that yet. I still need some time to heal.

Physically _and_ mentally, in case you were wondering. Dr. Don.,

 _I know you and Raph got into a fight - even Mikey knows that - but why, I have no clue. I'm guessing that due to the stress of our mission, and maybe some anger you had bottled up in there, you couldn't hold it in any longer and just burst._

Congratulations, Donnie. You've officially proven yourself to be a genius.

Okay, okay, you proved that a _long_ time ago... but still. Why do you have to know? Was it _really_ that obvious enough for Mikey to know?

Was it because of Raph?

What happened to Raph?

 _But you don't burst the way Raph does, yelling and fighting, or the way I do, snapping and disappearing, or the way Mikey does, talking to Ice Cream Kitty or just crying._

 _You run away. I get why - to clear your head - but it doesn't make things any better._

So you guys figured out because I ran away... why didn't I figure out how you guys figured it out?

I know, Donnie... I just made things worse...

I'm a terrible leader.

I'm not a leader at all.

I'm a failure.

 _I'm sorry, Leo, if it sounds like I hate you right now. Because I don't. In fact, I'm missing you so much..._

You should hate me, Donnie.

Why would anyone miss a failure like me?

 _Mikey talks a lot, jokes a lot. He tries to stay happy for us, Raph and I. I know Mikey tries so hard, but nothing like that can make you come back. So now he just talks to you or Ice Cream Kitty._

 _I wish he would smile a genuine smile again. But he can't. Not without you._

Mikey... won't even smile a real smile? He's that sad?

I mean, I knew he was sad... but still...

 _Raph runs off in the day. From sunrise to sunset he's out. He comes back in the middle of the night, bruised and covered in grime. I ask him where he's been, but he just shrugs the question off and disappears into his room, almost like he hasn't heard me. Almost like he's ignoring me._

 _He won't talk to anyone. Not even Mikey, even though he pranks him and annoys him all the time. Not even Casey, his best friend who's trying so hard, too._

 _Not even you._

Becuase of me...

I failed so bad...

 _He's too guilty. It's clearly written on his face, in his eyes. He's sorry, but he thinks you hate him, so he won't even try anymore._

 _I wish he would try._

Oh, Donnie... I wish he would, too.

Believe me, if I could go back in time and make it so I help my temper and didn't run away, I would.

 _It's so sad to see our family broken like this. I never anticipated this would happen! And I'm supposed to be smart!_

Donnie, listen to me. Oh wait, you can't, because I can't talk. Anyway. You ARE smart, Donnie. No one thought this would happen.

 _Leo... I'm sorry for the times I didn't listen to you. For the times I put April before you and Mikey and Raph._

 _I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that brothers are more important than crushes. I wish I realized that before._

Took me a while to realize that too...

 _I'm sorry I couldn't make the right retromutagen for Karai. What happened to her, we don't know. I'm sorry I don't know. I know you love her the way I love April._

 _I'm sorry we couldn't save Master Splinter... I see him in my dreams at night. He knows what happened to you. What happened to us. He's really disappointed in us, Leo._

Donnie, I forgave you long ago. It wasn't your fault.

And what happened to Sensei?

 _It was all our fault._

No, it wasn't!

 _No... it was all my fault. I wish I could have stopped you from running away that day. Then everything would be okay._

Oh, Don... if it was anyone's fault, it was mine, for not being the leader I was supposed to be.

 _But it's too late now._

No, it's not! There's still hope! Right?

...Are you crying? I can't remember the last time you cried over something other than April.

 _Please wake up, Leo. We need you so much. We need you to fix our broken family._

I wish I could control that... but I can't...

 _I need you, Leo._

 _Do you know how much I need you?_

Donnie... I want to wake up right now. I want to fix what I've broken.

I can hear you sob. I never hear you sob. You always cry quietly, privately. To hear it now breaks my heart.

I want to hug you, tell you it's going to be alright. Tell you that it's not yourself to blame.

It's me.

I'm sorry, Donnie.

I'm coming as soon as I can.

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry if this chapter is a little boring. Next one will be great since it's Raph's POV! :)**

 **I love it when you review, follow, favorite c:**


	6. 5: Raph

**A/N: *drumroll* Here it is! The chapter you've all ben waiting for... Raph's POV! :)**

 **I don't own TMNT.**

* * *

...Fearless...?

Look, I just wanted to say... I'm sorry.

You'd think I'd come to talk to you earlier. But nope, took me a freakin' 3 months.

I'm sure Mikey and Don already told ya that I disappear in the day and come back in the night, with some bruises and dirt all over me.

They're right. I just go find some bad guys to bash up. I tire myself all day doing that.

I'm sure ya know me well enough to know why.

...Because it was too much, Leo. The guilt just kept addin' and addin' up. It was so unbearable I had to come to talk to someone.

The only person I felt like talking to was you... because you're the only one who knows what really happened that day.

So that's why I'm here.

I'm supposed to be strong, aren't I? Be there for Mikey and Don.

Well, whaddya know, I've been doin' the exact opposite.

I'm sorry, Leo.

What kinda brother am I?

I was so mad that we wouldn't be able to beat up the enemy if they hurt one of us that I couldn't help my temper in. I shouted at you, made you feel so bad that you couldn't hold it in anymore. Then I just turned my back on ya. And you ran away.

I broke you, Leo. I never thought it would happen. I thought you were so... perfect that you could handle anything. I didn't realize you're a turtle like us. That you have breaking points, too. It just takes a lot more to get there.

We didn't know ya left till ten minutes before the Invasion. By then, it was too late, 'cause the Kraang broke into the lair. Master Splinter told us to leave and said he'd take care of the Kraang.

But as soon as we escaped, the sewer collapsed.

We don't know if he's still alive...

We don't even know if _you're_ gonna wake up...

It's all _my_ fault. It's my fault you ran away, and got hurt, probably by the Foot. That's how we got hurt: the Foot and the Kraang teaming up together.

It's all _my_ fault, Leo.

It hurts not having you here.

And I thought _nothin'_ would hurt me.

I haven't felt pain like this in a long time. Not ever since I thought you wouldn't make it out of the Technodrome. But you did, and everything was okay.

So I thought everything would be okay after the Invasion, too.

But I was wrong.

I never knew not having you would hurt _so_ much.

...I know I deserve this pain. I _deserve_ not having you awake.

'Cause I broke you.

It's what I wanted, right?

I wanted you to listen to me, to change your mind, no matter what it took.

But I didn't know that it would break you.

What I want to say, Fearless...

I never meant to break you. I never meant it to be this way.

I never meant all the things I said that day.

You're a great leader. The _best_ leader. I wouldn't want it any other way, Fearless Leader.

I'm sorry, Leo.

I know I don't deserve it, but please, can you forgive me?

I promise I'll always hold my temper. And follow all your orders. And not run away like I have been the past 3 months.

I'll be the brother you need me to be.

Because you've always been the brother _I_ needed _you_ to be. And I took that for granted.

But I won't. Not anymore.

Please forgive me, Leo. _Please._

Please wake up.

It hurts, not having you here. It hurts having to live with this guilt stabbing me every single darn second. It hurts so much that I'm freakn' _crying_. And you know I _never_ cry.

Please wake up, Fearless.

I need you. I need you a _lot_ more than I thought I did.

Do you know how much I need you?

* * *

 **A/N: What did you think of this chapter? Hope you guys are happy with it! (But I guess it's not very happy...)**

 **Reviews will make my day! :)**

 **~NS**


	7. 6: Leo

**A/N: I don't own TMNT.**

* * *

My whole body hurts. It's been hurting a lot the past few days, but today, it just _hurts._ My leg and throat especially. Those were the most prominent injuries Donnie noticed, so I guess it makes sense.

I've lost track of time long ago. No one bothers to tell me how long it's been since the Invasion.

I don't know if I want to know.

I still only see darkness. There's been no faint tips of light, or any light at all. Just blackness. Darkness.

I wonder if this how it feels like to be blind.

I hear footsteps approach. They're not soft like Donnie's, or jumpy like Mikey's. They're slow and heavy, like... Raph's.

 _...Fearless...?_

Raph...? Only _you_ call me that.

Well. You finally came. Took you a while.

But I don't blame you.

 _Look, I just wanted to say... I'm sorry._

Raph... please don't... I don't want to think about _that_ right now...

But I guess that's all that's on your mind now, isn't it? That day?

 _You'd think I'd come to talk to you earlier. But nope, took me a freakin' 3 months._

It's been _3 months?!_ I've been out for _three whole months?!_ What the shell?

Things must have changed. A lot.

And well, Raph, though it did take you a while... you aren't really the kind of person who's good at talking.

But I know that's not the reason why.

I don't blame you.

 _I'm sure Mikey and Don already told ya that I disappear in the day and come back in the night, with some bruises and dirt all over me._

Yep. Only a billion times. What have you been doing to yourself?

 _They're right. I just go find some bad guys to bash up. I tire myself all day doing that._

That sounds exactly like you. Taking out your guilt by kicking and punching other people. But you know Mikey and Don still need you, right?

 _I'm sure ya know me well enough to know why._

Please, Raph... let's not get into this right now...

 _...Because it was too much, Leo. The guilt just kept addin' and addin' up. It was so unbearable I had to come to talk to someone._

 _The only person I felt like talking to was you... because you're the only one who knows what really happened that day._

 _So that's why I'm here._

...I guess you really want to talk about this right now. Sigh... I guess this talk was going to happen anyway.

Why the shell were _you_ guilty? It was all my fault, and anyway, you only said the truth.

 _I'm supposed to be strong, aren't I? Be there for Mikey and Don._

 _Well, whaddya know, I've been doin' the exact opposite._

...What are you trying to say, Raph? Do you mean... you're not... the strong, protective warrior I thought you were before?

Shell, Raph, how much has changed?

 _I'm sorry, Leo._

Don't be... we both know whose fault it was...

Not yours.

Mine.

 _What kinda brother am I?_

Only the kind that wants to get their point across. Please, Raph, don't.

 _I was so mad that we wouldn't be able to beat up the enemy if they hurt one of us that I couldn't help my temper in. I shouted at you, made you feel so bad that you couldn't hold it in anymore. Then I just turned my back on ya. And you ran away._

...

I can't say anything.

Because that's the truth.

Only now the guilt that I was holding back is suddenly washing over me, drowning me, once again.

 _I broke you, Leo. I never thought it would happen. I thought you were so... perfect that you could handle anything. I didn't realize you're a turtle like us. That you have breaking points, too. It just takes a lot more to get there._

What the shell, Raph, I'm not perfect! Heck, I'm not even fearless like you call me. I'm not even a leader. I'm just a failure.

I wish I didn't have any breaking points... but yeah, I'm a turtle too, and I do.

But since I do... that whole night had to happen...

 _We didn't know ya left till ten minutes before the Invasion. By then, it was too late, 'cause the Kraang broke into the lair. Master Splinter told us to leave and said he'd take care of the Kraang._

Raph... I am so sorry... I wish I didn't leave...

 _But as soon as we escaped, the sewer collapsed._

 _We don't know if he's still alive..._

Master Splinter... what the shell have I done?!

Have you guys gone looking for him? He has to be alive...!

 _We don't even know if you're gonna wake up..._

...If I die, Raph, it's all my fault. Don't blame yourself, because there's only one to blame...

Me.

 _It's all my fault. It's my fault you ran away, and got hurt, probably by the Foot. That's how we got hurt: the Foot and the Kraang teaming up together._

Raph! Stop it. Stop blaming yourself. Because it was MY fault, not yours.

Well, what do you know, Raph, you're right: the Foot hurt me.

And you guys got hurt because of me...

See? It's all my fault, Raph...

 _It's all my fault, Leo._

What the shell, Raph, what did I just say!?

I mean, you can't hear me, sure, but it's NOT your fault! It's mine! I ran away and got you guys in this stupid mess! And there's nothing I can do about it!

 _It hurts not having you here._

...But nothing hurts you, Raph...

 _And I thought nothin' would hurt me._

...Are you reading my mind or something?!

 _I haven't felt pain like this in a long time. Not ever since I thought you wouldn't make it out of the Technodrome. But you did, and everything was okay._

...But you know I'd always protect you guys...

...except this time, when I hurt you all...

 _So I thought everything would be okay after the Invasion, too._

 _But I was wrong._

Me too, Raph. I thought everything would be okay, that we'd defeat the Kraang and the Foot. I thought everything would be fine.

But I was wrong...

 _I never knew not having you would hurt so much._

Raph... are you crying?

You're crying?

My strongest brother is _crying_?

But you _never_ cry! I've never heard you cry in your whole 15 years!

 _...I know I deserve this pain. I deserve not having you awake._

No, you don't, Raph. I deserve the pain.

Not you.

 _'Cause I broke you._

 _It's what I wanted, right?_

 _I wanted you to listen to me, to change your mind, no matter what it took._

...I wish I realized that I should have listened to you, asked you for your opinion, not just mine...

But since I'm a terrible leader, I didn't.

 _But I didn't know that it would break you._

Neither did I, Raph...

Neither did I.

 _What I want to say, Fearless..._

I'm not fearless...

 _I never meant to break you. I never meant it to be this way._

I know, Raph. I know. Believe me, I know, because neither did I.

 _I never meant all the things I said that day._

Yeah, right. All those things were true anyway.

 _You're a great leader. The best leader. I wouldn't want it any other way, Fearless Leader._

I'm a failure, Raph. A failure.

So don't call me fearless anymore.

Because I'm not...

 _I'm sorry, Leo._

I feel something wet... Is that a tear that dripped onto me?

Your tear?

Raph... your tears are breaking my heart. Ripping it to shreds.

Because you never cry, you never say sorry, you never admit to feel pain, if you do at all.

 _I know I don't deserve it, but please, can you forgive me?_

Oh, Raph...

I always forgive you. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I always do.

 _I promise I'll always hold my temper. And follow all your orders. And not run away like I have been the past 3 months._

That would be nice, Raph. That would be nice.

In return... I promise I'll take your opinions into consideration, too. Not just mine. And I promise that I'll try to understand you, and not just assume like I usually do.

And I promise... I won't break. Not again. Never again.

 _I'll be the brother you need me to be._

You already are, Raph. You just proved it.

 _Because you've always been the brother I needed you to be. And I took that for granted._

No, I haven't Raph... I've been the worst brother anyone could ever possibly be.

 _But I won't. Not anymore._

 _Please forgive me, Leo. Please._

You're crying harder than Niagara Falls...

...and it makes me want to cry, too.

And give you a big hug, even though I know you hate them.

 _Please wake up._

I'm trying, Raph... I really am. It just isn't my time yet...

 _It hurts, not having you here. It hurts having to live with this guilt stabbing me every single darn second. It hurts so much that I'm freakn' crying. And you know I never cry._

Raph... I can't... even... I'm so sorry, Raph.

I'm so sorry. You don't deserve the pain...

...I do...

 _Please wake up, Fearless._

 _I need you. I need you a lot more than I thought I did._

 _Do you know how much I need you?_

I can't imagine those emerald green eyes of yours filling up with tears, gushing down your face, like they are right now.

I can't.

You've always been so tough, Raph, so strong...

I thought nothing could break you like this...

but I was wrong.

I'm so sorry, Raph.

I really am.

Could you forgive me...?

I know what I've done is hard to fix, but maybe we can. Together.

I feel something pulling me towards this empty hole of darkness I've been in for so long...3 months, huh?...

And suddenly, I feel the strength to open my eyes.

There you are. The first thing I see. Your eyes closed tightly as you cry, clutching the side of the... bath tub?!...I'm in.

I open my mouth and say one word. I'd say more, but my throat feels clogged and my voice is raspy. Probably because I haven't used it in so long.

"...Raph?"


	8. 7: Raph

**A/N: The chapters are going to be different now... quotes will actually have quotation marks, now that Leo's awake and he can talk back...**

 **I don't own TMNT.**

* * *

I'm crying so hard, the tears dripping freely down my cheeks, down my chin, dripping onto Leo's plastron, but I don't care. My body racks with each sob, I'm shaking, I'm crying, but I never cry, but I can't help it...

I miss Fearless so much, I know he'd forgive me even though I don't deserve it, I deserve this pain, but it hurts too much, it's like putting my heart in a shredder and letting it rip, rip, rip into little pieces of nothingness...

I'm crying so hard I almost don't hear it.

It's soft and raspy, sounds like it's choked out, stops my crying for a second, makes my eyes flash open.

 _"...Raph?"_

I look down, make sure it's not just my imagination, and there I see two dark midnight orbs looking up at me, eyes I haven't seen open in three freakin' months.

I'm shocked for a moment, I can't open my mouth, I can't breathe, I can't do anything but stare back into those dark blue orbs.

And suddenly it all comes out, "Leo! LEO! You're awake! I've been missing you!" I yell, I wrap my arms around him in a tight hug even though I hate hugs, but who cares, Leo's finally awake, he's alive, he's okay, and that's all that matters.

"Raph! I can't breathe!" he rasps out, and I slowly, gently, let him go, still a little shocked to see him awake, but more happy than anything.

"Fearless... I've missed ya," I say softly, then look away, because we both know what I've done, the grave mistake I've made, a mistake that can never be forgiven because it's too darn deep.

But he ever so gently touches my chin, forces me to look at him, says, "Raph... it's not your fault..."

And suddenly the happiness I've felt shatters around me like glass, poking me, stabbing me, as guilt floods in. _I hurt you I hurt you I hurt you I hurt you..._

"I'm sorry," I blurt out, because I can't keep it in anymore, it hurts so much, it hurts more know that he's awake and I actually have to talk to him about it... but I _need_ to talk to him about...

But suddenly, as if sensing my distress, he changes the subject, "Why did it take you three months? I mean, what made you come to me after so long?"

My eyes widen, "You heard me?"

He nods, but quietly, patiently waits for me to answer his question, now lingering about in the air.

I can't believe he heard me, everything I said, when I thought he was asleep, but that's not surprising, he's a ninja, after all, and it makes things easier to explain, I think.

I open my mouth to answer his question, and just before I can say anything, I feel his soft, warm handing gripping mine, telling me it's alright, that everything's going to be okay, even though it seems like a lie.

I look away, and tell him why I came back...

* * *

I run through the fields, away from the farmhouse. Gripping my sais tightly. Letting the wind bat my face, letting my mask ripple in the air.

The nearest town's about an hour away. But that's okay, it's not like I have anything to do anyway.

I reach the old town. It's nearly abandoned. There's pretty much no one there. But I know there's still robbers and bad guys out there who need some bashing up.

Today's crook is a middle-aged man wearing shabby, tattered clothes, rooting through a store for money. Just as he's about to escape, I jump in his way and effortlessly kick him in the stomach, sending him down to the ground.

Before he can get up, I punch his sides. Deliver some more blows at him. He just lays there, moaning.

But I don't care. If it gets my mind off of Leo, then it's worth it.

Before I know it, he's black and blue, groaning, crying, and I'm just about to give him a huge blow to the back of the head, guaranteed to knock him out.

But then he cries out, "Please, please, stop it! I have a family. They need me!"

 _They need me._

Something snaps in me, and I look at him, suddenly horrified at what I've done. He's bleeding in more than one place. He's covered in cuts and bruises. He's helpless, and his fearful eyes show just that.

I gasp on the inside, but on the outside, I stay strong and tell him to beat it and not to steal.

 _They need me._

Mikey and Donnie need me.

...And we all need Leo...

This was how the Foot tortured Leo, probably. Hurt him without a second thought, without a hint of mercy. He knew we needed him.

And right now, I'd acted just like the Foot, badly hurting someone who was needed.

 _I'm a monster._

 _I'm sorry, Mikey, Donnie._

 _I'm sorry, Leo._

Now I'm even more guiltier than before... but at least I know what to do now.

* * *

As I finish my story, I look back at Leo, he looks sad sympathetic but he also looks like he knows what I've gone through. And still going through.

"Oh, Raph..." he says, he looks like he's feeling more pain than I am, like seeing me in pain hurts _him_.

But there's something I need to know, what happened to him. How he got hurt.

"Well, I've told you my story, now tell me yours. What happened to you after you ran away?" I ask.

His expression changes from empathy to great pain, he tries to hide it from me, but I can tell. I squeeze his hand and hold it tight, just like he did with me, as he starts his tale.

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you don't mind the run-on sentences... it just seems like a thing Raph would do. (He doesn't care about grammar like Donnie does, after all! ...Also, it's fun writing like that!)**

 **Next chapter may be the last.**

 **Thanks for your support, you guys are amazing! :)**


	9. 8: Leo

**A/N: It's been a little while, huh? School has kept me busy. Dx**

 **Anyway, here it is: the last chapter of** ** _Do You Know How Much I Need You?_** **Enjoy! :)**

 **I don't own TMNT.**

* * *

I can't believe it.

I know Sensei has always told Raph to be careful about his anger, lest it gets him or someone else in trouble. Lest it makes him hurt someone else that bad, if not worse. I know Raph is afraid of it, too: he's afraid to hurt someone badly out of anger, like he just told me in his story.

I can see the pain on his face. _He didn't mean it._

And that pain stabs me in the heart. It hurts more than the words he said that night, than the injuries I got that night.

Because if I hadn't run away, he wouldn't have felt the pain...

 _I'm sorry, Raph._

 _You didn't deserve that._

His voice breaks the silence. "Well, I've told you my story, now tell me yours. What happened to you after you ran away?"

I know he's simply curious, but that night brings too much pain.

Not physical. Emotional.

 _Because I failed..._

He squeezes my hand and holds it it tight, as if he realizes the pain I'm feeling. _He probably does._

I sigh on the inside, because I know I'll have to tell someone sooner or later.

And then the memory rushes towards me, engulfing me like a tsunami wave...

* * *

I'm running through the sewers.

Where, it doesn't matter.

Why, well, that does matter.

As I run, Raph's words echo in my head.

No, they don't just echo. They hit me like a wrecking ball swinging around in my head. Hitting me persistently.

And it hurts.

 _Cause ya think you're such a_ great _leader, huh? Such a_ perfect, fearless _leader?_

 _Well, lemme tell ya something: you're_ not! _You're a_ terrible _leader!_

Raph has said similar things like that to me. Called me names I hate like Lame-O-Nardo. Got into fights with me over silly things, over big things.

Then why does it hurt so much right now?

 _I can't take it anymore._

Too much stress.

The Invasion. _I have to protect my brothers at all costs. Sacrifice myself if I have to._

Make plans. _One mistake could mean instant failure._

I can't fail. I just _can't._

And now Raph. Took the already stressed-out me, a wadded, crumpled me, and tore it into little shreds of nothingness.

 _What's the use of staying anymore if no one's going to listen to me anyway?_

 _In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter?_

 _What does it matter?_

I slow down. My breathing slows down. Everything slows. Everything's a blur.

 _What does it matter?_

I need to stop the thoughts. I need to go back, get ready for the Invasion.

I need to pick up the pieces of the broken me, glue them back together into the Leonardo I am.

The Leonardo I _was_.

But I can't.

I don't feel like him anymore.

I don't feel like myself anymore.

 _Then what am I?_

I'm a failure.

 _I'm sorry, Raph._

 _Is it too late to fix everything?_

Rain drops pelt me. I look around and realize that I'm on a rooftop. I've unknowingly gone topside.

I can feel little prickles of tears burning my eyes.

But I can't cry. _I need to be the fearless leader for my brothers._

But what if I can't?

 _Stop it, Leo. Put yourself together._

I can't... I can't do this anymore...

Why the shell did Sensei make _me_ leader? I'm nothing but a failure...

I sense someone behind me. Stealthily, I make myself hidden and whip out my katanas, ready to face whoever it is.

A big, furry feline moves cautiously, with followers accompanying it.

 _Tiger Claw._

He's already seen me, so there's no use in hiding. I slowly walk out into sight.

"Well, well, what do we have hear?" he mocks.

I tighten my grip on my weapons. Ready to strike.

"I cannot wait to dine on turtle soup tonight!" he exclaims.

I roll my eyes. _Yeah, right._ The Foot has claimed to eat my brothers and I so many times, but have never succeeded, so their claims fall to deaf ears.

I reach for my T-Phone to call my brothers...

...but it's not there.

 _Shell._ I left it at the lair.

 _Nice going, Leo._

First, the Foot Bots come at me. I defeat them with ease. My brothers and I have gotten used to them with unlimited opportunities to practice. At least, that's what it has felt like.

Then my lovely adversary Tiger Claw faces me, and strikes his claw at my face. I quickly block the attack with my katanas.

 _The fight is on._

He punches and kicks swiftly, and I block every attack. Once in a while I'll hit him back, but he blocks them very fast.

Before I know it, he's pushed me back to the edge of the rooftop we're on. He's done it so swiftly, I didn't even notice till I can't go backwards anymore.

 _Yikes._

He pushes me harder, but I block him with my katanas and push him back. _Not today. Please not today._

Just when I'm about to push him back more, something stabs at my throat, then my leg. Something else is shooting lasers at me. I grit my teeth in pain.

But then something extremely sharp thrusts into my body.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" I drop my katanas and fall to my knees, crying out as pain convulses through my body. I look up to see the Shredder and some Kraang droids have joined our nice little gathering on the rooftop.

 _Not today. Please!_

Before I can get up, the Shredder stabs me when more time. In the throat. Hard.

I'm choking...

...but what's worse is that I'm _falling_...

 _In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter?_

It _does_ matter.

I need to be there, for my brothers... they could be in trouble! They could be hurt! Dead!

But darkness seeps into my vision, overcoming my ability to stay conscious...

...telling me it's too late...

* * *

Raph looks at me with wide emerald eyes. "Leo..." he whispers, at loss for words.

The words shoot out of my mouth. "I-it was all my fault. I deserved it."

Raph shakes his head. "No, Leo, it was mine. I hurt you. I _broke_ you. And then _you_ had to pay the price..."

"No, Raph, you were right. I should have listened to you. I should have at least asked for your opinion. But no, I didn't, I just went with mine, and look how that turned out."

"Leo... it's not just that. I said... bad things... that I shouldn't have said. I didn't mean them. You're the best leader ever, Leo. I can't believe I let my anger get the better of me. I'm sorry! I'm so, so _sorry_!" And suddenly the tears are falling from his eyes, spilling onto his cheeks. "It was all my fault!"

I want to say something, but Raph continues. "Leo... it hurt so much. The guilt. The pain. The thought of you being..." Raph can't even continue his sentence, his tears are falling too hard, like heavy bricks, crashing down...

"Raph..." I whisper with a shuddering breath. "It was all _my_ fault. Don't blame yourself. And everything's okay now. It's okay." I'm trying to comfort myself more than I'm comforting him. Trying to stop the tears that are threatening to break free.

A yell breaks the sad atmosphere. "Don't you _dare_ blame yourself! It was my fault, okay, and _deal with it_!"

He wipes the tears away from his eyes, and says in a more gentle, quieter voice, "But if you wanna be stubborn, fine. It was _both_ of our faults. I shouldn't have said those things. You shouldn't have run away."

He shudders and takes a deep breath. The tears have ceased now. "But it's all okay now."

"Yeah," I repeat quietly. "It's all okay now."

The bathroom door opens a bit, letting in a crack of light. By the sound of footsteps, I can tell it's Mikey.

"R-RAPH!? WHERE THE SHELL HAVE YOU BEEN, BRO?" he exclaims, running over to my immediate younger brother, wrapping his arms around his neck. "I missed you so much!"

I can't help but smile as Raph hugs back. It's been three months since they've seen each other, after all.

Then my baby-blue eyed brother looks at the bathtub that I'm sitting in and finally notices me. "L-LEO! You're AWAKE!" he exclaims and before I know it, he's hugging me so tight I think my bones are crushed.

I hug him back, ignoring the pain. "It's good to see you, Mikey."

Our embrace is slowly broken, and Mikey says, "Bros, it's been three months! THREE MONTHS! I missed you so much! I needed you so much! Even Donnie and April and Casey did..." Mikey pauses, as if he's remembering something. "Oh! I'll go get them!" He runs out of the room lightning fast.

 _In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter?_

It all matters.

It's good to be back.

I smile warmly at Raph. "It's going to be okay."

Raph smiles back. A genuine, soft-hearted smile. I haven't seen that kind of smile from him in ages.

"Yeah, Fearless."

* * *

 **A/N: The end! :)**

 **I can't believe it. This story is FINISHED! It was heartbreaking to write, but I liked doing so nonetheless. I hope you all enjoyed reading it! :D**

 **I know I don't include Donnie enough in my latest stories... my older ones have more of him in them. I hope that's okay.**

 **The quote "In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter?" is from _Walk Two_ Moons by Sharon Creech. It's a great book!**

 **I will NEVER be able to thank you guys enough for your support! Every review makes me smile! I'd like to thank _DifaniSani, No Guns Only Roses, flikaroo, TMNT-Queen,_ _TMNT Loving Leo the Second,_ and _Silverfox22_ especially for the continued support! Their stories are amazing as well.**

 **Again, thank you all!**

 **~NS**


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